This is the story of my journey as I attempt to establish roots and do more than just "Live on the Surface".

Monday, September 13, 2010

Can we talk for a minute about marriage?

OK.  Don't freak out.  I am not having marriage problems.  Everything is fine.

I really just want to talk a bit about what being married means.

I had being married all figured out before kids.  I was a GREAT wife.  Smoking hot.  Funny, witty and charming. 

Looking back now though, it almost doesn't feel like we were married before they came along.

Yeah we had made a commitment to each other and promised to be together forever through thick and thin but seriously, how thin was it?  Both working.  Bringing in the dough.  Big fancy vacations where money was no object.  Eating out was normal and eating at home was a treat.  Parties.  Galas.  To quote my husband "our biggest decision was who had to get out of bed to go buy the donuts and a paper on Sundays"

Now?  Kids Eat Free night at Applebees is a big deal to me.  Parties usually always include a bounce house and the only type of Galas I see now are in the produce section.

I almost don't know what to make of this "new" relationship with my husband.  I won't lie.  The first two years we were on complete survival mode.  Each of us did what we had to do to make sure the kids were clean, fed and well cared for.  There wasn't any room for much else.

As the twins get older we are allowed a little more "mommy & daddy" time which should really be "husband  wife" time but I don't know what that is.

The wife I was before doesn't exist anymore.  I am someone different.  My husband is someone different.

This is a crossroads people and I can understand how couples that don't recognize when they come to one develop separate hobbies then friends and drift apart until it becomes an unrepairable fissure.

How do you prepare for the effects children will have on your relationship with your husband.  How can you ever imagine how much it will change the both of you?

We have two little souls who are completely dependent on just him and I to provide for them.  To guide them and to always be there for them when they need us.

NOW the work begins.  NOW the marriage starts.  NOW is were the rubber hits the road.  We are in it now.  No turning back.

As I listen to my husband upstairs struggle with trying to get my children to use the potty before bedtime I know that we are supposed to do this together.  We will find ourselves again and who we are as a couple.

We are not only committed to our children but to each other and I look forward to discovering who we will become.

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