OK, so I went back and forth on if I should write about this or not. It is immensely personal but at the same time a part of my story and evolution. I promised to be upfront and honest so here it is.
We are broke.
Not with a little b but a big one. B to the roke.
I have posted before about AJ's base in his mostly commission job being lower than we were comfortable with. Unfortunately the sales process is longer and harder than we originally thought and we have had to dip into our reserves each month just to cover bills. Not to mention my extras that I could have done with out.
So now here I am reviewing every dollar I have spent since May and questioning why I spent it and if I hadn't how much longer could we have gone.
One thing I have neglected to discuss is AJ's story. His is entwined into mine and I have completely over looked it.
When he went into college he knew what he wanted. He was going to graduate with his poli-sci degree and enter law school where he would become a litigator and marry an equally educated woman and live the life of a couple of DINKs.
Yeah well. Life doesn't always go as planned and after receiving his undergrad in four years (which was an achievement considering he was president of his frat and VP of the student body association) decided he needed a year off before entering law school.
Of course, once you start earning some money it is hard to go back to being a full time student. He bought a house, Kaia came along and shortly there after I showed up.
When we married we weren't going to have kids. I had my career he had his. Pretty close to the DINK lifestyle he had wanted.
Then the twins changed everything.
So now here is a man who never imagined he would be solely responsible for an entire family of 5. That is a lot of pressure. He is bound and determined to make it work. He believes in what we are doing as much as I do.
Now we just need a little prayer.
I am tapping into the last of our stash to carry us over for a little while longer.
AJ is fiendishly working to close sales and bring in some consistent commission while at the same time looking for a position that may either give him the salary he needs or a higher base so we can at least cover the basics.
I KNOW this will work. God has led us to this path and we need to have the faith and commitment to follow it.
Not to mention I can't give my father the satisfaction of being right. By telling me that my husband can't provide for us on his own and calling my lifestyle change a vacation is a big motivator.
Stress? What's that?