This is the story of my journey as I attempt to establish roots and do more than just "Live on the Surface".

Monday, September 6, 2010

Fiscally speaking...

Okay, I know I asked for this.  BUT, being broke is NO joke.

Seriously, I am struggling mentally with having such a tight budget.  I am coupon clipping, stacking deals, buying only on sale, buying used when I can and eating at home as much as possible.

Here's the deal.  After 15+ years of spending my money on what I want when I want to not being able to spend $20 on my kids to go to Bounce U is a tough adjustment. 

I hate feeling guilty after the family goes to dinner even at a "kids eat free" night.  I know the guilt is driven by fear.  The knowledge that we have severely eaten into our savings scares the living hell out of me.

Our income currently does not cover our normal expenses let alone the extras that it seems I can't let go of.  Once the commissions start coming in we will be in a much better place but for now I wake up in the middle of the night with worry.

I am a supportive wife and don't want to burden my husband with my concerns.  He is working really hard to make sure we are taken care of.

I have to wonder though, how much of this fear is based on the fact that I have no control over it.  Is this just a control issue?  Possibly.

I REALLY need to budget and set aside money for the "extra" things so that when we do spend it I don't feel bad about it.  That is one way I can take some control over the situation.

We will get there.  I know we will. 

In the mean I need to do some serious soul searching to figure out how to let go of the old life I had and adjust to this new one.

Le sigh....

1 comment:

  1. Yeah, sing it sister!
    We started our big adjustment over the past 2 yrs and just recovering ourselves.
    That whole "commission" thing blows doesn't it?! We just started receiving commissions finally about 4 months ago and I promise you that it certainly does lift the cloud a bit!!!
    Hang in there, it really will all work out.